I need to stop coming to work sober
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
