i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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