He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
