Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
