2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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