No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
