This girl is more easily done than said...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
