Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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