We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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