He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
