are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
