Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
