Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
did you just send me my own nude
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
