Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i think i just lost a toe
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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