we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
