it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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