hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
