Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
