You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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