Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just cropdusted the office
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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