Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
