Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
