i barfeds in our rink
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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