"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
