Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
