I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
