I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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