Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
