I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The uberlube is also flammable
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
