My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
