i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
