I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
