Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
