I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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