Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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