And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
