once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
