Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
