i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
