So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
