I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
