Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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