i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
