last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
