I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
