can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
