hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
