Buhtt sex?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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