dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
