wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
